T12: ACCEPTS

When you're in emotional pain, you don’t always need a solution. You just need a way to get through the moment without making it worse.

That’s where the ACCEPTS skill comes in. It’s a part of your Distress Tolerance toolkit, and it’s designed for exactly those times when emotions are running high and nothing you do seems to help. You might not be able to fix the situation right away, but you can manage your emotional response in the moment. That way, you reduce the chance of saying or doing something you'll regret later.

ACCEPTS is an acronym that gives you a variety of distraction techniques to choose from when you're overwhelmed. Each letter stands for a category of actions that help you ride out emotional waves. This isn’t about ignoring your feelings or bottling them up-it’s about buying time until your body and mind are calm enough to respond more effectively.

Let’s break it down.

Here’s what each letter in the acronym represents:

A – Activities
C – Contributing
C – Comparisons
E – Emotions (opposite)
P – Pushing away
T – Thoughts
S – Sensations

You don’t have to do each one. Even one strategy can be enough to get you through an emotional rough patch.

Use this skill when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally dysregulated, or like you're on the edge of a crisis. The goal isn’t to solve the root problem. It’s to survive the moment safely and skillfully.

A: Activities

Doing something active can redirect your attention away from distress.

- Clean something small. Maybe your child’s toy shelf, a drawer, or your sink. Scrub those pots and pans. Just seeing something become clean is very therapeutic.
- Do a puzzle or play a game. Boot up your video game. Do a jigsaw puzzle. Whatever will take your mind off the distress.
- Take a walk or go for a bike ride. Being outside and getting some fresh air and exercise is a great way to clear your head.
- Paint, bake, crochet, tinker with your car, prune your plants. Any activity that will keep your hands busy will also keep your mind occupied.

Example: You’re feeling anxious while awaiting medical results, so you dedicate 20 minutes to reorganizing your books. It doesn’t get rid of your fear, but it offers an alternative point of focus while you wait.

C: Contributing

Helping others can create a sense of purpose and shift your focus outward.

- Text a friend to check in. It doesn’t have to be deep. Just a “Hey, how’ve you been?” can spark connection. You're tossing a little kindness pebble in someone else’s pond, and it ripples back to you.
- Volunteer your time. Whether it’s a few hours at a local shelter, tutoring online, or offering to walk a neighbor’s dog, it counts. You get to be the helper, not the one drowning.
- Offer to help someone with a task. Carry groceries, babysit for an hour, help someone move a piece of furniture. It doesn’t need to be heroic, just helpful.
- Write a thank-you message. To a friend, a teacher, your barista, or even someone you haven’t spoken to in a while. Gratitude clears up your emotional view.

C: Comparisons

Use comparison to shift perspective. Not to invalidate your pain, but to remind yourself you’ve gotten through worse or that others also struggle.

- Compare how you feel today with a tougher time. Maybe you're feeling anxious right now. But remember that time last year when everything felt like it was falling apart? This pain is real, but you’ve faced bigger storms.
- Read stories about others who overcame challenges. Not to minimize your struggle, but to borrow strength. It’s like reading someone else’s survival manual and realizing that if they made it, you can too.
- Remind yourself how far you’ve come. Think back to a version of you from a year ago. Or even just a month ago. Maybe you couldn’t even imagine what you’re handling now. Look at you, though: still kicking, still showing up.

E: Emotions (Opposite)

Do something that brings up a very different emotion than the one you’re currently stuck in.

- Watch a funny video. Think dog fails, or that one guy laughing uncontrollably on TikTok. Even a short burst of laughter can ease emotional heaviness.
- Listen to upbeat music. Nothing sad or slow. Go for something that makes you want to bob your head or do a little shoulder shimmy. Even if you’re not feeling it at first, the rhythm might sneak in and lift you.
- Read an inspiring story. A quote, a short post, someone sharing how they overcame something tough. It adds a little hope to your emotional soup.
- Watch a heartwarming or silly movie. Something low-stakes and feel-good. Rom-coms, animated movies, or those comfort shows you’ve seen ten times already, even if it's cheesy.

P: Pushing Away

Sometimes, when a distressing thought or problem takes over, the best thing you can do is pause. Not ignore, not deny- just set it aside temporarily.

- Visualize placing the problem in a container. A box, a drawer, or an envelope, whatever works for you. Picture yourself setting it down somewhere safe, knowing you can return to it later.
- Decide when you’ll revisit it. Set a specific time: “I’ll think about this tonight after dinner,” or “I’ll come back to this after I’ve finished my walk.” Giving it a time slot can reduce the pressure to solve it immediately.
- Shift your attention to something else. Focus on a task, a conversation, or something calming. This redirection is what gives your nervous system a chance to reset.

T: Thoughts (Other)

When your mind is overwhelmed, fill it with something else. Neutral, structured, or even silly. The goal isn’t to solve your problems right away but to give your brain a break by filling it with manageable thoughts.

- Count backwards from 100 by sevens. It sounds simple, but requires just enough focus to pull your attention away from spiraling thoughts- and it gets easier the more you practice.
- Name all the U.S. states (or all the countries you can think of). Or maybe name as many animals, movies, or vegetables as you can. It’s about engaging your brain in a task that’s mentally active but emotionally safe.
- Try a brain teaser or crossword puzzle. These little mental exercises can give your thoughts somewhere else to land- plus, they bring a small sense of accomplishment when you figure something out.
- Recite lyrics, quotes, or verses you’ve memorized. It could be a favorite song, a prayer, or a line from a book that brings you comfort. Repeating it helps create a rhythm and structure that steadies the mind.

S: Sensations (Intense)

Strong physical sensations can help ground you when emotions take over. The goal is to use safe, intense sensory input to shift your attention back to the present moment, like hitting a mental reset button.

- Hold an ice cube. The cold activates your body’s alert system and shifts your focus. You don’t need to hold it for long. Just so you feel something sharp and real.
- Splash cold water on your face. This works especially well if you’re feeling dissociated, panicked, or emotionally numb. It sends a clear message to your - nervous system: “We’re here. Right now.”
- Smell something strong, like peppermint or citrus. Scents are powerful. A sharp or pleasant smell can cut through the emotional noise and bring you back to the present.
- Jump up and down or clap your hands loudly. Adding movement and sound stimulates your body and mind, helping break the cycle of spiraling thoughts or numbing detachment.

When you're experiencing intense emotion, choose just one ACCEPTS skill. You don’t need to do everything. Think of these as emotional life rafts. You only need one to stay afloat until the wave passes.

Ask yourself:

- What can I do right now that feels even a little bit possible?
- What category might fit this moment best? Movement? Distraction? Emotion shifting?

Isn't this just avoiding the problem?

Nope. It’s pausing, not pretending. ACCEPTS helps you stay grounded in a moment of distress so you can revisit the issue later with more clarity and emotional control. Suppressing your emotions makes them stronger. Skillfully managing them helps you stay effective.

How long do I use these techniques?

Until your emotional intensity has come down a few notches. Then you can move on to other skills like Radical Acceptance or Wise Mind. These are short-term strategies, not long-term fixes.

What if nothing seems to help?

That’s okay. Some days are harder than others. Try a different ACCEPTS skill. Use one even if you don’t feel like it. The point isn’t to feel amazing. The point is to not make the situation worse.

Can I use ACCEPTS even when I’m not in a full-blown crisis?

Absolutely. These skills can help with any emotional discomfort like boredom, worry, impatience, or sadness. Using them regularly makes them easier to remember when you really need them.

If you have any behavioral health questions or concerns, please talk to your healthcare or mental health care provider. This article is supported by peer-reviewed research and information drawn from behavioral health societies and governmental agencies. However, it is not a substitute for professional behavioral health advice, diagnosis, or treatment.