CR5: Double-Standard Technique
Virtual Coach
Work step-by-step through the Cognitive Restructuring exercise with the virtual coach.
Introduction
You spill coffee during a presentation and think, “I’m such an idiot.”
Now imagine your best friend did the same. Would you call them an idiot? Or reassure them that accidents happen?
That instant compassion gap is the Double-Standard. This exercise harnesses it: you rewrite harsh self-talk as if you were counselling a close friend, then adopt that kinder, more rational stance for yourself. Research shows the technique lowers shame and self-criticism while preserving accountability. Perfect for mood and anxiety work in CBT.
Instructions
Goal: Run the technique on one self-critical thought each day for two weeks.
Time per run: ~7 minutes.
Step 1: Write the Self-Thought
Copy a harsh or judgmental thought exactly as it came up.
Example: “Only losers mess up simple tasks.”
Use a CR1-tagged distortion for best effect.
Step 2: Name Your Ally
Choose a specific, well-liked friend or younger relative you care about deeply.
Example: “My cousin Avery.”
Pick someone you naturally support without judgment.
Step 3: Flip Roles
Ask: “If Avery said this about themselves, what would I reply?”
Example: “One mistake doesn’t define you; refocus and finish strong.”
Saying it out loud helps the shift land emotionally.
Step 4: Capture the Friend-Response
Write down the exact supportive reply you’d give.
Same as above. Keep it calm, grounded, not overly sweet.
Step 5: Adopt & Repeat
Reread the friend-response in the first person.
“One mistake doesn’t define me; I can refocus and finish strong.”
Use a gentle voice, or whisper it if you're in public.
Step 6: Rate Impact
Rate belief in the old thought (0–100%) and the new one (0–100%).
Then rate emotional shift (e.g., shame 8 → 4).
A drop of ≥ 20% belief or 2-point mood change = effective reframe.
Log these numbers in the worksheet graph to track your progress.
FAQs
What if I can’t think of a supportive reply?
Picture what you’d hope a wise mentor would tell you. Or borrow wording from Balanced Thought Builder (CR4).
Isn’t this just generic positive thinking?
No. The friend-response must address the specific situation, acknowledge any responsibility, and point to a constructive step.
The new thought feels fake. Help!
Tweak wording until the believability hits 60–70 %. Pair with CR2 (Evidence Table) for extra data if needed.
Can I use a public figure as the ‘friend’?
Real relationships evoke stronger empathy. Choose someone you genuinely care about. Even if contact is occasional.
Disclaimer
If you have any behavioral health questions or concerns, please talk to your healthcare or mental healthcare provider. This article is supported by peer-reviewed research and information drawn from behavioral health societies and governmental agencies. However, it is not a substitute for professional behavioral health advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
